How to Survive Without a Meal Plan.
I, like most college students, enjoy the sweet delights my weekends bring, but unlike most of my peers my first choice is never a party or trip to the bars. I currently attend the University of Massachusetts, which has always held a rank in “Biggest Party Schools in the United States”. And honestly, when you are out in the Middle-of-Nowhere-Massachusetts what can you do? However, as my freshman year came to an end so did most of my partying. I was bored of it and desired something more exciting which was how I got started on what I call adventuring.
A typical weekend would start out with a bus ride. The PVTA (Pioneer Valley Transit Authority) is one of the greatest parts of Western Mass in my opinion; free public transportation generally running until 2 am. Usually I would hop on a bus and pull the string when I felt it was time to get off. I always carried a backpack equipped with a camera, flashlight, snacks, pocketknife, and chalk. Sometimes you could hear me jingle as I walked or ran from trouble.
This particular weekend’s adventure began as I pulled the bus’s string landing myself in Southwest (the party spot on campus). I was meeting up with an adventure buddy, Crazy Mary. Her claim to fame was leaving copies of plays she wrote in mail boxes and bathroom stalls, hoping to be discovered one day. Our first stop together, as always, was to obtain food.
I have been living at UMass without a meal plan for 2 years now. So, let me be the first to tell you that NO ONE gives college the credit it deserves when it comes to free food. I can tell you a million ways to get free food – and not all of them involve dumpster diving. There are about 3 events minimum each night that you can go to and get some ice cream, pizza, or wings. It may not be the healthiest selection (or that for a vegan) but it does get the minimalist by. The Southwest dining hall (or as we call it the DC) was first on our list. It had just been renovated and we were dying to try the fine cuisine. As I mentioned, I do not have a meal plan and either does Mary, so our plan was to look as “Southwest” as possible and stroll right into the DC. We put on some lip gloss, got a little rowdy and walked up to the meal card swiper.
“What happens if we don’t have a meal plan and just walk right in?” Mary says in the sexiest voice possible.
“Umm….,” he was a shaky freshmen at best, “I guess you would just walk in and not have a meal plan?”
And so we did – we walked in without a meal plan. We filled our bellies and left the food area smiling at our new freshman friend. As we turned the corner to leave I spotted our next journey. Quickly running down the basement stairs, my backpack created a catchy beat. The mother ship arrived! With no meal plan dumpster diving has become more than a hobby; it is a way a life. A dumpster in the basement of a dining hall was more than an ordinary dumpster, it was a gold mine. Mary and I climbed inside to see more muffins than either of us could eat. I unzipped the backpack and filled her up to the top. Now we were ready for anything.
I suggested going by the campus center because there are usually events going on in the hotel above it. Mary agreed, maybe she could hand out some plays to people. When we got to the campus center it was another jackpot. “Wedding Reception on the 11th floor” said the sign posted by the elevator.
“11th floor?” I asked.
“Of course, we mustn’t be late for our evening engagement,” Mary took that saying, “the world is a stage” quite literally. Sometimes without knowing it, I walked in on performances. I think that had been one of those times.
Plays and all, Mary was worth it. A good adventure buddy is hard to find. Most people question the wrong things in life, “You can’t do that! We’ll get in trouble! People don’t do those things.” The average person really does think that way. I always wish I could tell them, “Life doesn’t have any rules!” and have them understand what I meant. It is true – in case you are wondering – life doesn’t have any rules. There are so many ways to eat for free, so many things to explore, and if you are Crazy Mary – you know there are so many free plays to watch. Just pull up a seat at the bus stop or ride the elevator for an hour and you’ve got a show. (Actually riding the elevator for an hour is a great activity at our school. The library is 28 stories high – and only the strangest individuals spend their Friday evenings there.)
“Ding!” Our own elevator hit the 11th floor. As soon as we walked out of the doors a more than friendly individual stumbled over to us.
“Hey – don’t I remember you?”
“Do you?” I asked.
“Yeah you know Uncle Jimmy, right?”
“Um….”
“Course you do! It’s his wedding! C’mon let me introduce you to the boys! C’mon!” He grabbed my elbow and dragged me to the dance floor. “What’s wrong with you? You two don’t even got any beer!” Instantly, courtesy of our new friend, Mary and I were holding cold bottles of Bud Light. Feeling a little guilty I slipped two muffins out of my bag and left them on the ice where the beers had once chilled.
“Um Mary – want to down these and have one quick dance before ‘the boys’ get here?” Luckily she was way ahead of me – this was one play we did not get tickets to see. One, two, three seconds, that beer was gone. I may not go to those frat parties anymore – but I can still drink like I do. Mary and I jittered across the dance floor and headed toward the elevators.
“Um, do you work here?” an usher inquired looking at our attire. I had on a stained T-shirt with jeans and Mary was in shorts covered in paint. A minor detail we had ignored until now.
“Actually we’re cousins of Jimmy – we just changed out of those stuffy dresses,” Mary said while patting the backpack. I got to hand it to her, she was a natural. “If you’ll excuse us,” she said and stepped in the elevator before he could say another word.
After that Mary promised to take me to the newest construction site; she knew they were my favorite places to explore on campus. UMass, for those who do not know, is currently (maybe permanently) under construction. It has been since I got here and will be when I leave. The university is undergoing a 10 year construction project called “New Dirt.” The details of the program I’ve never known – but the important part was that there was always a construction site to go into at night and explore. We picked a site nearby and climbed the fence to get in.
“I think I see a cop car! Run!” Mary and I headed for the port-o-potties. There was a long line of them for the workers I supposed. We sat in stalls next to each other and listened to cars drive by, hoping not to hear any breaks. After a few minutes, I started feeling dizzy from the smell. I knocked on the wall and waited for Mary’s response.
“Let’s get out – this is gross,” she said.
We went around back to climb up the machinery and into a window. I loved this part because I always wanted to go rock climbing – but found it too expensive to ever actually do it. This was my alternative.
Once we got in Mary was at her old tricks. She loved to dress up in the construction hats and safety goggles the workers left behind. Pointing to different piles of saw dust she screamed, “do I pay you to sit? Get back to work!” I, on the other hand, loved the whole building: the rickety stairs that were half built, the steel beams I carefully walked across – my own tightrope, and the windows that you could sit in and watch the cars roll by on North Pleasant St. “Eating on the job again!” I could hear Mary shout. I looked behind me and saw her filling an empty Dunkin Donuts box with the rest of our treasured muffins.
Oh no, this time I knew I wasn’t imagining it. A cop car spotted my dangling legs hanging out the window and pulled into the lot. I jumped back in the building and yelled for the foreman, “Mary! We’re busted! Let’s get out!” Mary and I jumped out the back window and shimmied down the equipment. I held some words under my breath for the time being. There was another cop car now parked in the back. Someone must have called us in.
“I have an idea” I whispered to Mary. “Let’s go out by the woods.” She nodded in agreement and we crawled towards the back right wooded area (soon to be torn down I’m sure – but thankfully not yet). We could hear a car door open and close then a flashlight scoured the building. Mumbled words on a walkie-talkie motivated me to get out – fast!
We finally made it, bag clanking and all, and scurried to the closest bus stop. Mary would take a bus to the Fine Arts Center where she always parked her bike and I would ride one down toward Northeast, the residential area I resided. All in all it was a typical weekend. Despite the fact we are in the Middle-of-Nowhere-Massachusetts, the pleasures of UMass are abundant and await anyone with a sense of adventure and screen play in hand. For those less daring, who are looking for a good bar and party scene, yes we have that too.
Tags: activities, Adventures, artist, bars, beer, college, construction, Dumpster Diving, free food, humor, Massachusetts, parties, plays, playwrites, students, UMass, University of Massachusetts, wedding, wedding crashers, weekend, writing
